Thursday 1 October 2015

ENVY 24

January, 2004
Harmattan
They were in their finals and what was in the minds of most of them was their final year projects. They just resumed from the 6-month compulsory Student Industrial work Experience Scheme (SIWES) program. It was a 9-unit program which spanned the whole of the second semester of their penultimate year, having a 'C' in it is a disaster and a 'B' is near disaster hence students of the faculty took it very serious. Getting a good placement for the SIWES was very important too for it may end up determining the grade one gets. Siji did his SIWES in an oil servicing firm in Lagos. While Pago did his in his father's firm and it was not fun at all, he would not have done it there if he had a choice, if his mum had been alive. His mother's death had hit him like a thunderbolt. He had been the worst hit out of her children, he had been in a state of denial for the first few weeks, then when he accepted that she had really gone for good, he became inconsolable, despite his family's and friends' efforts to console him. He and Kalu had rushed home that fateful day when they heard the news about the attack. And it was not until two days later that they got news from the Nigerian Embassy in the States. Kalu's mum had miraculously survived the attack and Pago had silently resented him for that, though he knew he was being ridiculous, it did little to help, not especially when Kalu was always around during the holiday to lend his shoulder.
--why my mum and not his?-- Pago would silently ask God whenever Kalu came around.
Siji had called throughout the holiday, Ese called a couple of times and even Teju had called once. By the time he resumed for the next semester he was his normal self, even though he knew life won't be the same without his mum, he had lost his major ally against his dad, no one to fight for him or plead with his dad on his behalf.
                                ★★★
Pago and Siji alongside several of their classmates rushed into White House. The building was officially named Faculty of Science Building but it was commonly called White House because it was painted white all through, originally. Although the paint had been peeling off due to years of neglect and it was hard to tell if it was actually painted white or brown everyone still called it White House. It housed four departments, the department of Chemistry on its right wing, the department of Physics on its left wing, the department of Geology in the building's extension by the right wing, and lastly the department of Electronic and Electrical  Engineering sharing the left wing with Physics. It was said that the original Electronic and Electrical Engineering building had some structural issues, so they were accommodated by Physics in White House even though they were not in the Faculty or Science.
The final year project supervisors' list was out and the finalists were all anxious to know who their supervisors were. They all approached the notice board  with prayers in their heart as they search for their names. No one wanted a supervisor that would give him issues. The final year project carried 6 unit, 3 unit for each semester. Because of the high unit allocated to it, it tends to take a chunk of the finalists' studying time and consequently affecting other courses. Students pray for understanding supervisors and then struggle to make a good impression in them because one's supervisor can easily stop one from graduating with one's mates.  As Pago and Siji climbed the steps of White House to the second floor they could hear one of their mates who was already at the notice board saying "I thought Prof. Jasper doesn't supervise undergraduate projects anymore, why is he on the list? Is the department running short of lecturers?" Then another answered him "You know these professors get bored at times, so they offer to supervise undergraduates at such times, well I'm glad I didn't fall under him" then the first guy said "The way I see it he has only two students under him"
"Who are they?" Pago asked as they got to the board
"Both of you" the guy said looking at Siji and Pago
"Both of us?" Siji asked as he tried to locate his name on the list
"Yes, you and Pago" he replied then added "right now I don't envy either of you"
Siji soon located his name and traced it to the Supervisor's column. His Supervisor's name stared back at him like a nemesis 'Professor Owonikoko Aberuagba'. He looked at the row just immediately below his and saw the same name. He need not look at the student's name for he already knew who it was. He looked at Pago and made the sign of the cross.
                               ★★★
"After he finished his business, he tried to get off her but he couldn't. They were conjoined" Sherifat told them. Ese had come to visit Teju in her room at Moremi hall. Teju's roommate Sherifat was given them a gist of what happened a few days ago at an Ibadan hotel.
"After he had tried severally to pull his stuff out of her with no success she started shouting and the hotel staff had to break down the room's door. They were wrapped up in a bed spread and taken to the hospital. The doctors who knew what was wrong couldn't help"
"I still don't get this, how is this possible? I mean a man joined to a woman after sex? And if the doctors knew what was wrong, they should be able to help, shouldn't they?" Ese asked.
Sherifat and Teju looked at each other then bust out laughing as Ese looked on, lost
"My sister, it is magun" Sherifat answered her
"Magun?" Ese tasted the word on her tongue as if it were a strange meal "is that an English word?"
"So you've never heard of magun before?" Sherifat asked incredulously
"Obviously not"
"Magun is actually a Yoruba word, it literally means 'do not climb'" Teju came to her rescue "it is a form of juju laced on women suspected of promiscuity in order to expose and disgrace them or kill their lovers. The first man that lay with the woman after she has been laced with magun will most probably die. It comes in different forms, in some cases the lover somersaults and die after getting off her, others like the one Sherifat is talking about, they become conjoined. Jealous husbands do it for their wives, even some fathers for their daugh......."
"In this case it was the husband" Sherifat interrupted
"He confessed?" Ese asked
"No, he didn't but no one believed him. It was his close friend sleeping with his wife. It was not until he died that they were able to separate them"
"Oh! Too bad" Ese exclaimed, then added "but why would a woman cheat on her husband?"
"Why? I will tell you why. When he doesn't satisfy her well in bed" Sherifat answered then continued "that's why I can't marry any man before sampling him first"
"Sampling him?" Ese was lost again
"Kilo'n se baby yi na? Are you this naive?"
Ese that had begun to understand Yoruba and speak it passably knew that Sherifat was asking what was wrong with her "kini kankan ko se mi" She said in passable Yoruba "not understanding your slang doesn't mean I am naive"
Sherifat laughingly said "you had better stick to English, you may lose a tooth or cut your tongue trying to speak Yoruba. Anyways, what I meant by sampling is trying him out before marriage, to see if he can satisfy my needs. I'm not for wait till after marriage, I'd rather sample now in order to be sure than cheat on him after marriage or worse still, burn"
"What if you sample and he doesn't meet your needs? Your dump him and sample another?" Ese asked
"Of course, but I am lucky, Gbenga meets my needs perfectly well and I his"
"Ese turned to look at Teju, expecting her to argue with Sherifat, but the shy smile she got from her friend made her wondering.
                           ★★★
"Have you sampled Kalu" Ese asked Teju when they were alone. She still had not gotten used to using the word in this sense.
Teju smiled and said "I wouldn't call it that, but yes, we've done it"
"Really? You went all the way?" This time Teju answered with a nod
"When did you........ remember you promised to tell me whenever you want to...." Ese joked
Teju laughed and said "you were home, enjoying your mother's delicacies. You know I spent the holiday in school, since he was around doing his clinicals. It wasn't planned and like I said I wasn't sampling him or he me. Something just led into another and we did it"
"How was it? How did you feel..... I mean... I mean I hear it's usually painful and messy the first time"
"It wasn't messy, just a tiny stain and a little pain. It was the first time for both of us so it was a bit awkward the first time but when we did it again it became better and more enjoyable"
                        ★★★
That night as she lay to sleep after going through the several theses she had gotten from her departmental library in order to decide on a final year project topic to give to her supervisor when next they meet, she thought of how she was going to sample....... no....not sample. How it would feel like doing it with him. He was yet to kiss her even, as in really kiss her, the farthest he had gone was hugging and fleeting pecks on her cheeks and forehead. Getting him to go further would be a final year project on its own.
About the Author
 Soji Adeola Ayanleke was born about 3 decades ago in Kano.
He studied Electronic and Electrical Engineering at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, he speaks Yoruba and Hausa fluently and he is trying to learn Igbo and Spanish. His hobbies are reading, writing and playing some indoor games.

 

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